The title of that post has been bothering me because I wasn't sure what it was trying to say. If I am not sure what it is saying, how can I expect anyone else to understand? But I've left it alone and have been letting it percolate in my subconscious.
So far I think it's about the contradictory push and pull I feel towards people. I want to have people close to me, people I can trust, yet at the same time I have a tendency to not trust and to push people away. Just like how I'm so distrustful of the guy who treated me lovingly that I am either waiting for him to hit me with the punchline or start acting like a jerk towards me. The possibility that he could be genuine and be a decent guy....well, the odds are against that, right?
So on one hand I'm my independent self and I don't need anyone, and on the other hand I'm a very social person who feels pretty darned good about working in conjunction with another. The two sides are warring with each other, maybe?
I've always felt I was a fairly simple person to understand but I am starting to revise that opinion. ;)
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1 comment:
I definitely understand that conflicted feeling. I have it all the time. Longing to pull people close and at the same time pushing them away. In my case I think the pushing away is a defense mechanism-if I push them away first, then they can't hurt me.
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