Yet Another Example of "Tale-Telling"

I used to believe my mother was an honest person, probably, when I was young. As I grew up there were many times when I heard her lying, which we aren't supposed to say out loud so I'll say "tale-telling." Because that makes it better, right? It softens the edges of the word "lying", makes you have to search for the hidden truth.

Despite their acrimonious relationship, my mother has taken to being obsessed with my father's aches and pains. She will talk about how his this hurts or how his that is giving him trouble, which is really bizarre considering their relationship, considering I've never asked how he was doing, and considering it wasn't a subtle subject change. Still, I never really gave what she was saying much thought. She was usually trying to use his physical woes as excuses for why he was crabby, a jerk, etc. (So what was his excuse all those years ago before he got older, hm?) So I didn't really attribute his bad moods to that since he's always had one, I didn't really think about what she'd said.

So today a topic comes up at work and it involved the same ailment my mother says my father is now suffering from. However, among the aspects being discussed were none of the oh-so-troubling symptoms(to a drama queen) my mother had gone on about. Realizing that not everyone has the same experience, I looked it up on the internet and, sure enough, gee, nowhere does "being an a$$hole" fall under the list of symptoms of this ailment. Interestingly enough, the ailment actually doesn't usually have any symptoms.

It isn't that I really cared, it isn't that I put any stock in her words. It is that it shows me yet again that I can't take anything for granted as being true when I talk to her. Something so simple and something that she doesn't even care about yet she can't even tell the truth about that.

Does It Fit Anymore?

I've been wondering why the recent angst about my mother. It finally dawned on me that there have been a lot of changes in my life in the past year or so and I am trying to put things in their proper place in my "new" life as it develops. The shallow relationship I've had with her isn't fitting easily into my life anymore, if it ever really did. It's like an old pair of pants that used to fit okay but doesn't anymore and yet you can't quite bring yourself to part with them.

Still Having Computer Woes

It's odd how disconnected I have felt, not being able to get on-line. Yes, I've still had my daily human interactions, but it's been odd to feel so out of touch with my on-line friends.

There is a saying about the only constant in life being change and that has held true for me too, even though my computer life has stood still for a time. It's given me an interesting perspective, quite a detachment.

It's also given me the opportunity to see that I have not made any real progress in certain areas of my life/relationships. I have struggled to try to maintain a relationship with my mother but know that it isn't really satisfactory for either of us. Even a distant relationship is just too disappointing. Frankly I'm tired of trying. Surely I've done my penance for the gift of being born. There isn't much more soul-sucking that I can take.

Computer Issues

It has been almost 3 weeks since I've been able to get internet access to my computer. Enola, I wanted to e-mail you to see what the resolution to your problem was since ISP said there were no problems on their end.

Finally we found out that somehow our settings had been changed? Not sure how that happened, but we are relieved to be able to get back on-line. We have realized how cut off from the world we feel without net access.

I've missed reading everyone's blog and hope to catch up soon.