It's odd how disconnected I have felt, not being able to get on-line. Yes, I've still had my daily human interactions, but it's been odd to feel so out of touch with my on-line friends.
There is a saying about the only constant in life being change and that has held true for me too, even though my computer life has stood still for a time. It's given me an interesting perspective, quite a detachment.
It's also given me the opportunity to see that I have not made any real progress in certain areas of my life/relationships. I have struggled to try to maintain a relationship with my mother but know that it isn't really satisfactory for either of us. Even a distant relationship is just too disappointing. Frankly I'm tired of trying. Surely I've done my penance for the gift of being born. There isn't much more soul-sucking that I can take.
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6 comments:
It is ok to have no relationship with your mother if that is what you want.
Kahless, I've been there before and it didn't resolve anything, either. It's not so much a matter of wanting that(no relationship) as feeling like that's a rational progression or course of action(inaction, lol). She is so depressed and so negative. As my h reminded me, every time I call her I am sorry that I did.
I would like to preserve the relationship, but it's so emotionally draining. She makes me understand the phrase "energy vampire."
so rather than 'No relationship' how about a neutral one where you talk, but say nothing so giving nothing to her that can come back and hurt you?
bbx
BB, that is basically what I've had with her for a while now. What I do say to her that could come back to bite me has lost its power because I said it first. I know I'm giving it to her so it doesn't bother me so much.
What does bother me is that talking to her is like talking to someone with no hope--because that is what she is. It is emotionally painful to have to listen to her "woe is me" routine over and over, yet nothing I've said has been able to shake her from it in the least. She is such a downer! It's awful. What can you do with someone like that?
I know that I have a tendency to pick up on others' feelings (boundaries, anyone?) so I tend to be careful about who I am around and for how long. Sometimes I am able to maintain my armor with my mother and her negativity doesn't affect me as much. This time I wanted to share something with her (something that is good in my life) but couldn't because of how negative she is. I realized that I'm frustrated with such a shallow relationship. I'm tired of having to be so guarded. It's too much work for such a small (nonexistent?) return.
I could go for months and not call her so maybe I would not be as frustrated with it, but that feels like avoiding the issue. This is something that has been a constant problem over the years. That's why I've done the no contact thing, the distant relationship thing. What else is left?
I have a "woe is me" mother too. I just ignore it. My mom wants me to "fix it" and (1) I can't and (2) I don't want too.
I don't see anything wrong with cutting off contact with your mother. There's no rule that says you have to have one.
I have just read your last comment Angel. Reminded me of how much my mother sucked my energy when I used to see her. Distance and time can tend to let you forget.
Thanks for that reminder.
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