Discipline

One of the residual issues from my childhood surrounds discipline. It is quite a difficult issue for me. When we were first pregnant, I told my husband in very strong language what would happen if he ever thought he could hurt our child in any way. He is a nice guy so it was not at all warranted, but I felt compelled to be clear.

As the years have passed, it has been difficult for me to separate "good" anger and "bad" anger from my husband in the name of discipline. My instinct is to stop it. We have had some serious discussions about it, where I analyze his motivation and his behavior in response to whatever transgression, was it a reasonable response, blahblahblah. I have to admit that he is not abusive, but there have been times when I thought the situation could have been handled better. Anger in itself isn't a bad thing, it's what you do with it that can be. I understand that--in my head.

When it comes to my responsibility to protect, I am probably overzealous. I am probably overprotective as a response to no one protecting me when I was a child. It is probably not fair to my husband that I am so analytical of his every move during times of discipline--who wants to be analyzed when they are angry?-- but I am. To me discipline is to be used to teach, not to hurt. I am not completely opposed to hitting but sometimes when we're angry it's hard to stop and think, "Is this a good thing to do?" But I don't understand the point of striking out in anger because it isn't going to make anyone feel better.

I know, oh how I know, that one has ADD tendencies and that can be quite frustrating. I understand that. But yelling and getting mad isn't going to help. We have certain natural materials to work with, like clay, and it is our responsibility to take the materials with the qualities already present and try to produce the best possible results while not altering what was already there.

I try not to undermine his authority in front of them. It may not be healthy that I essentially act like a referee when I feel it's getting too close to the "unhelpful" line of discipline, but that's where I'm at right now. I wrestle with it. I wrestle with the unfairness that is to my husband. I wrestle with not wanting to create spoiled little monsters. But I also wrestle with the line between beneficial discipline and detrimental anger. In another person, no less.