I was thinking about unclaimed baggage and the owners. Does someone not miss their belongings? How do so many pieces of luggage get so irretrievably lost? But then I thought about how we might actually be relieved at our loads being lightened.
That bag there, it holds the guilt I felt over my abuse upsetting you.
That bag next to it, it holds the shame I felt for inspiring those acts in my abuser's mind. (Because, like most children, I thought it was my fault.)
The bag next to it, it holds the anger I felt at you making me continue to see him.
That bag, it holds the anger I felt at you for ignoring my pain.
The bag next to that one holds the anger I felt at you for not protecting me.
The next bag holds the anger I felt at you for allowing the emotional damage to continue long after the act stopped.
The gray bag next to it holds the pain I felt whenever I thought of how you must feel about your inadequacies as a mother. (Yeah, follow that!)
The yellow suitcase contains the guilt I felt for having a life of my own making, despite your example.
The burgandy suitcase next to it holds the guilt I felt for choosing a good partner who cares for me. Yes, I dared to expect to be treated well.
The blue bag holds the guilt you tried to feed me over my happiness, at my not being a victim.
The white suitcase holds the manipulation you tried to wield, to no avail. The manipulation was concealed under the guise of concern, but I saw it for what it was.
I claim none of it.
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4 comments:
Well said.
I hope you are not carrying this baggage which doesnt belong to you.
baggage is so hard yet we still carry it
Thanks for sharing this post. I wish I could write as openly as you do about my feelings and baggage - some unclaimed and also some still dragging behind me. Thanks for helping me to recognize my own baggage by sharing yours.
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